Fear, What is it Good For?

“The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want.
     He makes me lie down in green pastures.
He leads me beside still waters.
     He restores my soul.
He leads me in paths of righteousness
    for his name's sake.

Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death,
    I will fear no evil,
for you are with me;
    your rod and your staff,
    they comfort me.”

--Psalm 23:1-4

This verse has been in my head for quite some time now, and I’m always pondering it trying to figure out what it should mean to me.  I’m never literally walking through the valley of the shadow of death (or any valley here in Delaware…it’s pretty flat). 

This brings to mind something that I went through earlier this year.  In October or November I became a substitute teacher in the school district that my family lives near, which happens to be the school district from which I graduated high school.  I went through the motions to get hired.  Background check, TB test, etc.  Up until this point, I was really not nervous about being a substitute teacher, although subbing is really nothing like anything I had ever done before up until that point.  Then it came time to go in and get set up so they would call me and I can go online and see what jobs are open and take one….and then I set up my first job…and I started getting terrified.

What if the kids don’t listen to me?  What if the other teachers don’t take me seriously because I’m young?  What if the kids don’t take me seriously because I’m young?  What if I can’t control the class…what if one of them bites me or something?

Some fears were a little more reasonable than others, and I had plenty.  With a dad who had worked in the public school system for more years than I have been alive, and having heard many horror stories about how subs are treated these days, I could feel myself walking through a valley, and I could sense that shadow of death looming over me as I was cowering in fear.

I know this may seem like a small feat to overcome, but for me it was a really big issue, since I’ve never been really outgoing and am always super anxious about new situations..and a little paranoid.

Anyway, I was really starting to be filled with dread over this first job, although it was only a half day in a 2^nd grade class followed by a half day in a 1^st grade class.  When I thought about it I would feel sick to my stomach. 

Then one night when I was lying awake in my bed thinking about all that could go wrong on this first day and how I could possibly be able to deal with it, this verse flowed through my head.  Lying there clutching a pillow, I felt my mind gradually begin to relax.

“Yea though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil.”

I started to realize that it really doesn’t matter how bad the situation gets, things are going to happen the way that they are supposed to happen, because in reality, I will never actually be in control; God will.  He will give me the solutions to any dilemma and the strength and wisdom to carry them out.  

“For thou art with me, thy rod and thy staff, they comfort me.”

God is always with me, anywhere I go, and so long as I let Him, He will guide me through the valley, and even if the shadow of death is there, whether it be in the form of some kind of physical danger, or just the fear of something new, I do not need to fear it.  God is my constant companion, and I don’t need to fear things because I know that if it is His Will, He will protect me.

My God is with me, I shall not fear.