Self-Forgiveness and Moving On

I walk with my Protector

By day and by night

But sometimes a horrid girl

Steps into my sight

She’s a self absorbed wanderer

She gets what she wants

She wants the worst things

And when night comes, she hunts

She looks for more trouble

She lacks any guilt

This lying, cheating, putrid girl

Loves what she’s built

This girl, she grabs onto me

And fight though I may

She pulls me down, down to her

She whispers, “You’ll pay,”

I look to my Protector

He'll keep me from harm

Only to see I've let go

Of His strong outstretched arm

I grab to His hand

Crying “Father, forgive me!”

I do not deserve the grace

And mercy He gives me

The girl looks at me

Her claws slash and cut deep

My soul begs my Creator

I don’t eat or sleep

I beg Him “Please save me!”

Pull me up to Your height!

I can’t do this on my own,

I can’t fight this fight!”

He looks at me graciously

Down into my eyes

And He speaks to me gently

While I sit there and cry

He tells me “That girl in the corner

Can’t be held off by switches

And she can’t be sent off

By your mere mortal wishes;

You have to stand up to her,

Stand straight and tall!

And remember my child,

It was she who answered My call.”

So I look down on this person

She’s who I used to be

And though I find her horrendous,

Without her, there’s no me.

With tears pouring down

From my eyes without care

Forgiveness washes over me

Cleansing her evil stare

God’s forgiveness is essential

Without it, I have no hope

But if I do not forgive myself

I will never be able to cope

Thank You Sir, May I Have Another? -- The Need for an Attitude Adjustment

When I was in high school, I was in the NJROTC.  For those of you who don’t know, this stands for Navy Junior Reserve Officers Training Corps, and is essentially a military based program that allows high school students to experience a taste of what military life would be like.  You can learn how to do military drills, shooting with pellet rifles, and you learn important things like discipline and leadership and working to achieve something.  It’s a great program for any kid, in my opinion, and there’s no obligation for military after high school (as I am obviously not in the military). 

Anyway, one thing that you learn in JROTC is the concept of some sort of punishment when you do something wrong or disrespectful.  The most common form of this is push-ups or other forms of PT (physical training).  If a cadet says something out of turn or says something disrespectful, they might get told to do 5 or 10 push-ups.  This makes the cadet physically stronger, as well as mentally stronger (with the knowledge of how to do what’s right and not what’s wrong) and they can prove that they can endure the punishment.

A common response from a cadet (who isn’t terrified of their commander) is “Thank you sir, may I have another?”  In saying this, the cadet is proving that they can handle the push-ups or whatever they had to do, and even if they didn’t deserve it, they are willing to endure it again if that’s what the commander wants of them.

In my opinion, this should be kind of like what our relationship with God should be like.

Too many people think that once they start a relationship with God, they are never going to have to worry about any kind of trouble or hardships ever again because “God will provide”.  This is untrue.  God absolutely will provide for you, but how He does it may or may not be to your liking at the time.  The difference between believers and non-believers is not that one group faces trials and the other doesn’t; the difference is (or should be) how we deal with those trials.  In many cases, it may be that believers actually get more trials, because God knows we can handle them or that we need them to make us stronger.

When we get trials thrown at us, God is allowing us to go through them because He knows what’s best for us, and he is refining us to make us stronger and more trusting in His protection so that we can rest assured that whatever happens, God’s Will will be done and we needn’t worry about it.

Even those who are spiritual leaders or others that we may consider to be the best among us will be tested with trials.  The Bible says it like this:

“Even gold is tested for genuineness by fire. The purpose of these trials is so that your trust’s genuineness, which is far more valuable than perishable gold, will be judged worthy of praise, glory and honor at the revealing of Yeshua the Messiah.” –1 Peter 1:7

Therefore, we should see the trials that we go through as a great joy.  I know we always hear this in various places like church, but I am of the belief that we actually should.  And I mean not just being fake and telling people that you trust God that He will bring you through it, then complaining about it to every other person who will listen whenever you hit a rough spot.  I mean truly getting down on your knees to thank your Maker for giving you the opportunity to prove your trust and love for Him. 

“Regard it all as joy, my brothers, when you face various kinds of temptations; for you know that the testing of your trust produces perseverance. But let perseverance do its complete work; so that you may be complete and whole, lacking in nothing.” –James1:2-4

We should take up that same attitude of those cadets in JROTC, and when something is thrown in our path or things don’t go the way we planned, we should stand up straight, look it in the eye, take it head on, and say with sincerity; “Thank you Sir, may I have another?”

I Do Not Have a Religion

I love God.  There is no question about that at all.  It is true that I try to serve Him with my whole life in every way that I can.  It is also true that I have no religion.

Upon meeting someone new or reacquainting with someone I've known for quite some time, for whatever reason the topic of God comes up.  Well as a matter of fact, I have quite a bit to say on the subject.  Sooner or later in these types of conversations (usually sooner) the question is asked “what church do you go to?”

“I don’t actually go to a church..”

HEATHEN!!

The fact is that I stopped going to mainstream Christian church about 7 or 8 years ago when my family and I decided to look into the origins of a lot of common Christian practices and holidays and didn’t like what we saw.  We couldn't find a church that we agreed with, so we didn’t go to one. 

As a result of lots of research that I've done on Christianity and the Bible and many different doctrines, I find it hard to call myself a “Christian” anymore, although I do agree on some very staple beliefs of the common Christian.

-Jesus is, in fact, the Messiah who died so that we might be saved

-Jesus is the Son of God, and is One with God and the Holy Spirit

- God is the creator of the universe and we all belong to Him

-The Bible is the Word of God

There are others, but these are the most basic ones that generally categorize someone as a Christian.

It’s been a long and difficult journey over the past 7 or 8 years, and the struggle has been real.  I (and my family too, I’m sure) am still learning every single day.  I observe the Sabbath on Saturdays (well, to be more accurate, it’s from Friday at sundown to Saturday at sundown), I celebrate what many consider to be the “Jewish holidays” but what I call the Biblical Holidays, I do not celebrate Christmas, Easter, Valentine’s Day, etc., I keep Torah, I eat kosher (Biblical, not rabbinical), and (as a recent addition to things that make people think I’m weird) I wear tzitzit. 

When people learn this they ask me if I’m Jewish.

No, I’m not.

“Then why..”

“If you’re not..”

“But you should just..”

This is why I will say I have no religion.  What I will call myself is a Messianic Believer.  This is because it is not about religion.  Religion implies that I follow a set of rules because my religion is *insert religion here* 

I follow Torah because God told me to, along with everyone else who is a part of Israel, whether born in or grafted in.  (I tried to pick a verse reference to put here but there are so many…anywhere in the Torah – Genesis, Exodus, Leviticus, Numbers, Deuteronomy – that it says “throughout all your generations”…well, you get the picture)  

I do not follow man-made religious rules because God told me not to add to or take away from His Torah.  If He wanted it in there, He would’ve put it in there.  (Deuteronomy 4:2, 13:1, Ecclesiastes 3:14)

I still follow the Torah even after Yeshua (Jesus) died on the cross for my sins because He came not to do away with or destroy it but to fulfill and confirm it.  (Matthew 5:17)

I don’t celebrate “holidays” or traditions with pagan origins because God told me not to worship Him in the way that others worship(ed) their gods.  He told us how He wants to be worshiped from the beginning.  (Deuteronomy 12:30-31)

I guess what I am trying to say is this:  I do not have a religion, but I do have a God.  He is the One true God, and He knows how He wants to be worshiped by me and everyone else.  He has a plan for my life, He has a plan for Your life, and the answers to all of life’s questions and “how to”s can be found in His Word (the Bible).  Living that out is not a religion to me; it is life.